10 Tips for Introducing Littles to Corporate Worship
Editor’s Note: We know every child's needs, abilities, and particular church context vary widely, so we encourage you to adapt tips like these to your own unique circumstances and seek the wisdom of others around you as you do so! Decisions about how and when to involve children in corporate worship will vary from family to family and depend on a number of factors.
When our youngest was six, my husband and I took all of our kids to New York City. We had loved NYC as a couple; we wanted to introduce the sights and sounds of the big city to our kids and start them on the path to loving it as well. Over the course of a few days, we saw the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, 30 Rock, and Central Park. It was a great overview of some of what the city had to offer. But we didn’t come close to doing everything I’ve ever done in the city.
If we tried to do everything that week, we would have ended up miserable. We would have worn everyone out with the attempt to glean everything there was to see and do. Instead, we tried to approach the trip as something to whet their appetite: a museum or a famous piece of artwork here; a walk through one part of that park there; lots of travel on the subway, so it seemed accessible and doable again sometime. We didn’t want this to be their ultimate and only trip to New York; we wanted to entice them to go back again sometime on their own and enable them with enough confidence and knowledge to feel like they could.
We can take a similar approach when it comes to introducing young children to worship services at church. If we try to make them over into little adults at a high rate of speed, church will likely become a painful drudgery for our children. But if we instead take it slowly, setting small and attainable goals here and there, we can ease the transition for everyone. After bringing five kids up through the process, here are some of my favorite tips for introducing little ones to “big church.”
Sit up Front. This might feel counterintuitive. When we have noisy babies or squirmy littles, we often want to be near the exit so we can make a quick getaway if needed. But try to remember the last event you were at—a wedding, a concert, or a sporting event—when you were in the last few rows. I’ll bet you didn’t pay attention as well as you might have if you were closer. Now, imagine someone twice your height was standing in the row right in front of you. Boring, right? You might as well leave. You probably had your attention grabbed by people coming and going from the room, by who was sitting where, by a friend who’s up in front of you, by any little bit of activity. I have a hard time focusing when I’m in the back of the room, and I’m extremely experienced at paying attention in church. Let’s not try to teach our kids to pay attention and then fuss at them when we plant them in the most distracting spot in the room.
It’s Their Church Too. Whether Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Anglican, non-denominational, or something else, kids belong in our churches. They’re part of the family. They maybe don’t fit as neatly into tidy rows of well-groomed, well-mannered churchgoers, but then again, some adults don’t either. If the lady in front of us frowns when we bring little people into church with us, we can be kind and carry on with training our kids. And we can be diligent not to be that critic ourselves but to receive others’ children gladly.
Consider Their Bibles. As soon as my kids learned to read, I tried to get a copy of the “official” church translation into their hands. This wasn’t because I was a purist about them reading that translation; we had many diverse story Bibles and Scripture books at home. I wanted them to have the translation we used in church so that they could catch the message that the Bible is for them also. I think it’s empowering for kids to be able to read along and see that Scripture isn’t only for the Important People up on the stage. Rather, it’s for everyone—at home and at church—all the time.
Baby Steps. As moms, we have to take this process slowly with our kids. Just like the development of any new skill, we should be patient and watch one step unfold before attempting the next one. To start, consider having kids learn to stand up and sit down when everyone else does. Kids can take easy cues for this just by watching everyone around them. If a Kindergartner regularly stands in line at school, we can reasonably expect them to stand up through the music at church too. Many parents in my own congregation begin by inviting their toddlers and preschoolers in just for the music and then bringing them back to a childcare room when the music concludes. Other churches and families set an expectation of babies and littles being included in the service from the start. There are many starting places. From there, we can continue adding encouragement and guidance for other steps of involvement and attentiveness.
Sundays Start on Saturdays. Sometimes our kids are worn out and cranky on Sunday mornings because we’ve spent an inordinate amount of time on sports or other activities on Saturdays. I’m not against these things (by a long shot!), but moderation is called for if we’re going to have happy participation in grown-up, high-demand activities the next day. We can help set our kids up for success by winding down, getting to bed on time, and easing into Sunday.
Prepare Them Practically. If our church releases a playlist ahead of Sunday, we can play it for the kids. If our pastor shares the passage he’ll be preaching on, we can read it ahead of time. In my family, we sometimes just squeezed this in during the car ride on the way to church. It still helps, especially for the non-readers, because they can be equipped and familiar with what’s happening.
Make It Special. We can also find ways to make the time on Sunday set apart and special. Maybe we pack a certain bag with special activities, like some quiet toys, a pen, and a notebook. I had four boys in five years, so pens and sharpies were pretty much against the law in my house for a series of years. But boys who were “taking notes” on the sermon? They were allowed to use pens for that. It was a tiny difference, but it gave me the opportunity to recognize that they were trying to engage with what was happening, and I rewarded them for it. If they got to use a pen every day, it wouldn’t be special (and, quite frankly, my walls and furniture would have been destroyed!). And yep—snacks help too.
Hold Them Accountable. On the way home, we can ask children what they heard about in Sunday School, in the sermon, and in conversations. Did they meet anyone new today? My husband and I still use this exercise with our teens because we want to encourage them to engage in fellowship and welcome newcomers.
Set the Example. If we grumble on the way to church every week, our children will likely adopt this for themselves. There are seasons when church is difficult for us parents, this is true. But the willingness to cultivate gratitude—to exercise our will to invest well in our church communities—can pay dividends. We remember the old parenting adage “more is caught than taught” here. We can be honest but also exert ourselves towards thankfulness for what we have been given. The church is an “ought-to,” but it is also a “get-to.”
Notice and Encourage. If we are truly taking baby steps through this process, the progress will be slow and hard to notice. We might feel as though we are conducting a circus every week. But over time, we can notice that the child who whined about standing up for so long now is standing and singing along. We can celebrate pictures drawn and words written related to the readings or sermons. Let’s call our kids out on their progress and be encouragers.
Even as we intentionally prepare for corporate church gatherings like this, though, we must remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit in guiding and responding to our own children in our own context. We must be careful, prayerful, and considerate towards the prompting of the Lord. No magic formula ensures that “if parents do x, children will respond by y,” and we must flee any ideology that would suggest such a thing. As with any undertaking with little ones, the process will be bumpy, with hiccups and regressions along the way. It takes a constant dependency on God’s grace to continue from week to week, from year to year.
However, if we believe that habits are formative, and God is at work in the gatherings of his people, we can disciple our kids towards a lifetime of churchgoing by laying out some helpful habits in worship. This is best done slowly, with kindness and encouragement, regarding children as a part of our faith community and as our closest, youngest neighbors.
