When Your Kids Call You Out: The Privilege of Turning to God in Our Weakness
“You’re taking that picture for Instagram!”
I heard the declaration from my tween and immediately experienced a twinge of guilt. I quickly took the picture anyway and moved on to serving dinner.
She was absolutely right—I was photographing my pasta sauce to post on my Instagram stories. My almost-12-year-old was accustomed to me whipping out my iPhone to capture better-than-usual looking dinners, including my attempt to make a “viral” pasta sauce recently made famous on social media.
Her tone was slightly accusatory. Like, “C’mon already, mama. Not another photo for social media.” I pretended her words didn’t make me wince a little. But they did. I’d wanted to follow that pasta photograph with three or four more pictures from different angles and in different lighting conditions. But I stopped in my tracks and smiled weakly in response to her statement.
Sometimes, God uses our children to shine his light on a particular situation. Out of the mouths of babes (and tweens) there often comes truth, wisdom, and insight. What are we as parents to do when our conscience feels pricked by the words, or even forlorn looks, of our children?
In our culture, we’re often encouraged to ignore feelings of guilt, whether sparked by our kids or our own consciences. We’re told that we just need to accept ourselves for who we are and that we are enough. But this perspective doesn’t account for the sin in our hearts and the holiness of God. We need others to call us out in our sin so we can turn to God in repentance. And sometimes our children may be the ones calling us out.
This mama needed to seek God and hand over her addiction to social media to him. This mama needed the Spirit to reveal to her the idols she may have forged in her heart.
Was I seeking the acceptance of people more than of God? Was the need to be accepted slowly morphing into seeking adulation? Was the excessive photo-taking and picture doctoring and story-posting a way for me to be “noticed”—rather than acknowledging I am always seen by God? Had I become so distracted by social media that it was affecting how I related to my children? Was I so drawn in by my photo-sharing that I’d conveniently forgotten the no-phones-at-the-table rule in our family?
God used my daughter’s casual words to dig deeper into some heart issues, dredging up some unsightly messes. Often, our kids are the flashlight God uses to shine on some not-so pleasant areas of our lives. But even while he does that, in his mercy, he never leaves us in a pit of shame and guilt.
The world may prefer to ignore feelings of guilt because it doesn’t know of a true and lasting way to find freedom from it. But, as believing women, we have a true and lasting way out of sin and guilt. His name is Jesus. He is the way out. The only way out. His sacrifice on the cross of Calvary wipes the slate clean—of our sin, our shame, and our guilt—because he became the perfect substitute for us.
Since we are justified in Christ, may we not try to justify our sin with the excuse that no one is perfect or that all the other moms are doing the same thing. Popular mantras about accepting ourselves and being enough leave no room for God’s work of transforming us into his likeness. We are called to holiness, and we are called to be imitators of Christ.
Yes, parenting is hard. And yes, we’re doing our best in the trenches of motherhood. But, is God calling us to do our best—or to lean on him?
When we lean on him, we experience the freedom of not covering our sins and our struggles under nice-isms and well-intentioned epithets like “fierce” or “enough.” When we lean on him, we experience the freedom of repenting from our sin and moving in a brand-new direction.
In God’s economy, being fierce is being vulnerable enough to turn to God with our messes. It’s calling sin, sin, instead of ignoring or denying it. It’s submitting to God’s power to change us, to challenge us, and to channel us in the direction he wants us to go—even when he uses our children in the process.
Does that mean I’m throwing away my phone and going off the grid? No—because God still intends for me to live in the world. But when I take pictures and when I post on social media, may I be aware that those activities can either glorify God—or take me in the opposite direction.
Yes, as parents we’re called to raise our children to honor and love God. But, it’s uncanny how God often uses our children to speak truth into our lives. Maybe for you, it won’t be about your social media spiral. Maybe your child will unwittingly address an issue that’s entirely different. When they do, may we be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.[1]
[1] James 1:19
